# Distressed Chicken Coop Wood



## fauxlynn

I did this project a few years ago and have been asked to duplicate it on this home remodeling project. These pics are from the chicken coop turned office. We had to match existing time worn, distressed pine.











^^^^this is new, created using texture paint, etc ^^^


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## fauxlynn

Parts of this are old, parts of it are new


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## fauxlynn

Starting point....


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## fauxlynn

Wood stained,MDF primed....


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## fauxlynn

I added texture with a mixture of texture paint and gel medium.


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## PACman

I guess you do know how to paint chicken coops after all!


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## CApainter

Someone has an admirer!


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## fauxlynn

CApainter said:


> Someone has an admirer!


Just because I shared tape information....I know how these guys operate.


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## CApainter

fauxlynn said:


> Just because I shared tape information....I know how these guys operate.


Sticky situation.


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## fauxlynn

I didnt get very far today; I procrastinated, then realized I bought the wrong color paint; I had to get new paint before noon in the opposite direction of where I needed to be....
Anyway, here are the tools I used to carve out the grain in the texture paint/gel medium application.


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## fauxlynn

Hmm,so I applied two things to the wall and desk.

To add a crackled effect, I randomly applied Hide Glue,let it dry. Once dried I applied a healthy smattering of paint and just let it be. Within a few minutes the paint cracked. I was taught to use flat paint with this application but this time I used egg shell and it turned out fine.

I also applied random strokes of rubber cement to areas that I wanted to remain brown from the stain. In the past I have used wax but had trouble finding the areas that had been treated. Unfortunately it was not any easier using the rubber cement. I did put Post-it notes all over so I could keep track of where I had applied it but when push came to shove it was still not easy to find. I'm not sure the effect was worth the effort.


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## fauxlynn

Once that was done,I put on two coats of paint by brush

.


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## fauxlynn

....and the desk is a little behind...


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## PACman

I can send you some pigeon poop if you want to go all out! There's plenty on my car!

I'd recommend clear coating it though!

I have seen people use silly putty instead of rubber cement. I've also seen people make a paste out of salt and water and use that. Leaves a nice broken edge.


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## fauxlynn

Silly putty would work, but I'd have to buy an awful lot, I think.

I'm going to get some of that stuff for putting up posters, not sure what it is callled.

Please tell me you're not a Cancer.


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## slinger58

fauxlynn said:


> Silly putty would work, but I'd have to buy an awful lot, I think. I'm going to get some of that stuff for putting up posters, not sure what it is callled. Please tell me you're not a Cancer.


Wait.......what you got against Cancers?!


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## fauxlynn

slinger58 said:


> Wait.......what you got against Cancers?!


Nothing at all, that's why he cannot be one. If he screws up by being a Cancer,I will get a SW tatoo on my forehead.


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## slinger58

fauxlynn said:


> Nothing at all, that's why he cannot be one. If he screws up by being a Cancer,I will get a SW tatoo on my forehead.


Hell, I may get one too, if that's the case. Lol


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## PACman

Nope. Not a Cancer. Well the zodiac sign anyway. I did almost marry a cancer once but I managed to get out of it.


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## fauxlynn

She dumped you. It's okay, there,there....


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> She dumped you. It's okay, there,there....


actually she was a slut. I shoved a twinky in her face when I told her to f off.


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## fauxlynn

PACman said:


> actually she was a slut. I shoved a twinky in her face when I told her to f off.


Man! Old time Twinkie? (yummy)......or new recipe Twinkie?(yuk)


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## fauxlynn

Dude! I'm just messin' with you. Lighten up! 


And no more drunk posting! I learned that a couple years ago


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> Man! Old time Twinkie? (yummy)......or new recipe Twinkie?(yuk)
> 
> James Cagney smashes a grapefruit into Mae Clarke's face - YouTube


It was over twenty years ago. I still feel bad about it. Wasting a perfectly good twinkie that is.

She ended up marrying her meth dealer.


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## four2knapp

PACman said:


> . I've also seen people make a paste out of salt and water and use that. Leaves a nice broken edge.


Sorry to break this witty repartee, can you elaborate on the salt and water method?


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## PACman

four2knapp said:


> Sorry to break this witty repartee, can you elaborate on the salt and water method?


I saw some crazy mexican dudes do it in a shop south of the border near San Diego once. They had all kinds of ways to distress stuff. Some of the shops down there where actually passing some furniture off as authentic antiques.

They would make a thick paste out of salt and water, lay it on the surface, (i don't know if this would work on a vertical surface though) let it dry, paint over it, let the paint dry, and then use a Scotchbrite pad with a little water on it to rub the paint off. The salt would either come up or it would dissolve.

They actually had chains with metal pieces welded to them and pieces of barbed wire fencing hanging on the wall of the shop. They would flog the furniture like some kind of weird porno movie for a half hour or so to distress them. Then they would coat the piece in some kind of acid concoction to "age" the wood. They were all out. They did some replica pieces for Old Town San Diego and Balboa park that if they didn't have a "replica" tag on them could (and sometimes did) fool an expert. If we found out that a customer was passing their product off as "authentic" we would stop selling to them and alert the authorities. I don't think It did any good though.

I know I made tons of money off of them selling them drums of gilsonite that Henry's (of roof tar fame) practically gave to us. It was a waste product from making roof coatings. It's a great way to replicate an aged clear finish using a stain.


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## fauxlynn

I can't wrap my head around how the salt would stay in position with a brush or roller wacking away at it.

Nothing accomplished today, granite guys messed me up and carpenter messed me up, oh well.


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## chrisn

fauxlynn said:


> I can't wrap my head around how the salt would stay in position with a brush or roller wacking away at it.
> 
> Nothing accomplished today, granite guys messed me up and carpenter messed me up, oh well.


I did not even try to work today. It was the first DRY day we have had for about a month. Got all kinds of yard work done, finally:thumbup:


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## PACman

around here the Amish calls em chicken houses and the english (everyone else) calls em chicken coops. And we don't through a fit because they calls us all english either.


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## CApainter

PACman said:


> around here the Amish calls em chicken houses and the english (everyone else) calls em chicken coops. And we don't through a fit because they calls us all english either.


Around here, we call it Grocery Store.


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## chrisn

Another glorious day of yardwork:thumbup:


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## PACman

chrisn said:


> Another glorious day of yardwork:thumbup:


Yardwork? That's what goats and sheep are for.


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## chrisn

PACman said:


> Yardwork? That's what goats and sheep are for.


hard to teach them to plant stuff, they always want to eat it


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## PACman

chrisn said:


> hard to teach them to plant stuff, they always want to eat it


That's the point. If they eat it, no more yard work. Then you can sit back and watch rugby all day.


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## chrisn

PACman said:


> That's the point. If they eat it, no more yard work. Then you can sit back and watch rugby all day.


like hockey or lacrosse, I cannot tell what the hell is going on


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## PACman

chrisn said:


> like hockey or lacrosse, I cannot tell what the hell is going on


? Pain. Pain is whats going on. It really isn't that hard to understand once you watch it a few times. 

But I don't understand why pro basketball players get to take 4 steps without dribbling the ball and when I played I didn't.?


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## SemiproJohn

I can't help it. Every time I read the title of this thread, I think about all the distressed chickens. And that coop wood that is used to house them. :whistling2:


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## chrisn

SemiproJohn said:


> I can't help it. Every time I read the title of this thread, I think about all the distressed chickens. And that coop wood that is used to house them. :whistling2:


You sound like my brother the English professor


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## SemiproJohn

chrisn said:


> You sound like my brother the English professor


I am a bit twisted. And one wave short of a shipwreck.


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## slinger58

SemiproJohn said:


> I am a bit twisted. And one wave short of a shipwreck.


You are not alone, John. Lol


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## fauxlynn

Thanks everyone for keeping the thread going in my absence....

I did try the poster putty, worked great! Cost two bucks for a 2oz. package.

For some reason, PT keeps saying my picture files are not valid....hmmmmmm


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> Thanks everyone for keeping the thread going in my absence....
> 
> I did try the poster putty, worked great! Cost two bucks for a 2oz. package.
> 
> For some reason, PT keeps saying my picture files are not valid....hmmmmmm


Because they are faux pictures maybe?


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## fauxlynn

PACman said:


> Because they are faux pictures maybe?


Yeah.....so I dont know what is going on. I just tried to load a pic that ive already posted and it is still saying invalid whatever


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## chrisn

fauxlynn said:


> Yeah.....so I dont know what is going on. I just tried to load a pic that ive already posted and it is still saying invalid whatever


It's doing it to me also


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## fauxlynn

Hey, the pictures are uploading!

View attachment 78049


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## fauxlynn

I also went back in and added some texture paint here and there. These are the areas I used the putty,obviously. It was easy to locate and remove.


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## fauxlynn

Ready for glaze.


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## journeymanPainter

fauxlynn said:


> I also went back in and added some texture paint here and there. These are the areas I used the putty,obviously. It was easy to locate and remove.
> View attachment 78065
> 
> 
> View attachment 78073


You missed a couple spots


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## fauxlynn

journeymanPainter said:


> You missed a couple spots


Painters are so funny!


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## fauxlynn

These pics show how I apply and work the glaze 


First the grey









Smoosh and smear









Then the brown 









Smoosh and smear










Then squeegee off as much as you can


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## fauxlynn

The wall


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## fauxlynn




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## fauxlynn

I think I overdid it a little,but the homeowner loved it,so fine by me.


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## fauxlynn

Desk...








These are the same color,the lighting and windows threw everything off.


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## fauxlynn

BTW,no chickens were distressed or otherwise traumatized in the creation of this fake painting.


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## four2knapp

Very nice distressed look! Holy cow how many steps? I might be missing one or 3. 
Stain
Texture
Crackle 
Pull off with poster putty? 
Paint?
Glaze 1
Glaze 2

Top coat? Are you working today?


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## fauxlynn

four2knapp said:


> Very nice distressed look! Holy cow how many steps? I might be missing one or 3.
> Stain
> Texture
> Crackle
> Pull off with poster putty?
> Paint?
> Glaze 1
> Glaze 2
> 
> Top coat? Are you working today?



Three passes of Aura Chantilly Lace
Top coated with Coronado Dull/Flat

It all looks a lot whiter/brighter in person. The wall was in a narrow hallway, so hard to photograph.

Finished Friday, stayed in bed Saturday, ten days start to finish


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## PACman

when my horny neighbor billy used to stumble home to the farm after a night out with the boys, and straight to the chicken coop......now that was a distressed chicken coop!


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## fauxlynn

PACman said:


> when my horny neighbor billy used to stumble home to the farm after a night out with the boys, and straight to the chicken coop......now that was a distressed chicken coop!


Dislike button activated here

By"horny neighbor billy", you mean younger dude Pacman, dontcha?


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> Dislike button activated here
> 
> By"horny neighbor billy", you mean younger dude Pacman, dontcha?


No. I mean the famous billy the chicken.....nevermind. you should change your avatar pic from a kitten to a cougar. You cradle robber you!


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## fauxlynn

I guess you got me there,being as I am 87


Now behave yourself or I'll give you a little cat scratch fever.


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## chrisn

fauxlynn said:


> Three passes of Aura Chantilly Lace
> Top coated with Coronado Dull/Flat
> 
> It all looks a lot whiter/brighter in person. The wall was in a narrow hallway, so hard to photograph.
> 
> Finished Friday, stayed in bed Saturday, ten days start to finish


all that work and ? I just don't get it, never did, never will, but if people are dumb enough to pay for it, who am I to say.:blink:


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## PACman

chrisn said:


> all that work and ? I just don't get it, never did, never will, but if people are dumb enough to pay for it, who am I to say.:blink:


Maybe they wanted to match the look of the outside of their house?


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## fauxlynn

Seriously? I got called back for this? Makes sense for the desk. The wall? Not so much.


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## CApainter

I think a little chicken poop splatter would really make it look authentic. Of course it would have to be faux. What did you think I was talking about?

I would make it out of I part twenty minute mud to 12 parts water.

just kidding by the way.


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## PACman

looks like chicken coop wood to me. What don't they like about it? Have they never seen a chicken coop? I can provide photos if you need them.


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## fauxlynn

PACman said:


> looks like chicken coop wood to me. What don't they like about it? Have they never seen a chicken coop? I can provide photos if you need them.


Do you ever pay attention to anyone but yourself?:jester::whistling2:

I have returned to faux the baseboards, kinda overkil,dontcha think?

at least the lead carpenter called me sweetie and girlfriend all day long.....


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> Do you ever pay attention to anyone but yourself?:jester::whistling2:
> 
> I have returned to faux the baseboards, kinda overkil,dontcha think?
> 
> at least the lead carpenter called me sweetie and girlfriend all day long.....


Oh did you say baseboards? Didn't think so. But thanks for clarifying that.


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## PACman

PACman said:


> Oh did you say baseboards? Didn't think so. But thanks for clarifying that.


Sweetie!


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## fauxlynn

CApainter said:


> I think a little chicken poop splatter would really make it look authentic. Of course it would have to be faux. What did you think I was talking about?
> 
> I would make it out of I part twenty minute mud to 12 parts water.
> 
> just kidding by the way.


I think sometimes it is better to go with the real deal myself.




PACman said:


> Oh did you say baseboards? Didn't think so. But thanks for clarifying that.


I didn't SAY it, there are pictures.....



PACman said:


> Sweetie!


It only works if you're a carpenter or a super hottie in management with awesome hair. Move along .


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> I think sometimes it is better to go with the real deal myself.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't SAY it, there are pictures.....
> 
> 
> Pictures of a wall and a baseboard.
> It only works if you're a carpenter or a super hottie in management with awesome hair. Move along .


Or half your age! That's ok though. Helps eliminate my competition.lol!


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## fauxlynn

PACman said:


> Or half your age! That's ok though. Helps eliminate my competition.lol!


Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrgggg! Why are you so weird? You make many assumptions about me,mister. Half my age would be super creepy and there is no competition here,dude. I believe it is in the rules here at PT to be wary and steer clear of fauxlynn. She is a troublemaker.

It's like you came in halfway through the movie or something, fill in the blanks mister.


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## fauxlynn

For you Pacman


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## PACman

what can i say? I bring out the best in you!


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## fauxlynn

PACman said:


> what can i say? I bring out the best in you!


You complete me.:kiss:


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## PACman

fauxlynn said:


> You complete me.:kiss:


I KNEW IT! As in "you completely piss me off"? 'cus that's what me gf says.


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## fauxlynn

Exactly


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